this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The best revenge is premature balding
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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