good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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