please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
