At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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