yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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