Your favorite bartender is back from prision
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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