did you get engaged???
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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