Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
