A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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