you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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