The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
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I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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