SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
