Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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