some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
