no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I love you.
Bad choice
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