Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
