Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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