ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
