oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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