I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
