people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
its liver damage thursday
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
