I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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