Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
