He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
