her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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