Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
