hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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