I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
