Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
