you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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