Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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