How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
