So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
