he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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