i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
