how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
a search helicopter?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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