Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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