It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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