i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize