May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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