i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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