It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
