I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
