It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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