i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
