she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
