He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
