thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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