Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
