New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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