Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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