Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
