I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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