I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
