when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
