They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
