hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
