I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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