It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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