I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
