I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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