Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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