So drunk its hurt
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
