Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
