You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
