I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
