Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
