It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
