there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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