Non-Jews are for practice
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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